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5 More Things Domino’s Should Apologize For

Does Domino’s suffer from low self-esteem? It would seem so, if the Facebook posting below that has been going around the Web is any indication.

Dominos apology
Facebook

It seems that a customer who actually purchased and enjoyed one of Domino’s lukewarm bread and cheese creations decided to, as everyone does once they’ve consumed foodstuffs nowadays, register their enjoyment on Facebook.

The customer in question posted a missive about her love for Domino’s pan pizza on the company’s Facebook page which, if the kneejerk apology above is any indication, seems to be used solely to field consumer complaints.

Does Domino’s have a spambot ready to reply to any messages, tags or likes with a swift apology for the gastrointestinal distress their product no doubt caused? After years of people calling their pizza “hot circles of garbage,” are they like an abused child who responds to anything — be it a compliment or a criticism — with beaten down remorse?

That said, we don’t feel sorry for Domino’s. If anything, this is a good start. The fast food chain has done a few other things over the years that they should apologize for. Here are five things we’d like the Dominos ApologyBot5000 to answer for.

1. Recycling the same dough and cheese they use for pizza for everything from Cheesy Bread to those volcano shaped mounds of noodles and goo they call Pasta Bowls.

2. Releasing those ads a while back where they admitted their pizza is terrible and needed to be changed. You were fine serving slop for decades and we were fine with guiltily devouring it in college when we were hungover and couldn’t be bothered to walk down to the cafeteria for a bagel. That was the agreement, Domino’s.

3. Getting rid of The Noid. We used to love The Noid, despite the fact that we’re still not entirely sure what he was. (Some kind of gremlin with a distaste for Italian food, perhaps?) The Noid used to be all over Domino’s advertising, and then he just disappeared with zero explanation. It’s enough to make us a-Noid. Get it?? Because of the…never mind.

4. That time in 1995 when we ordered a bunch of pizzas for a sleepover and they said they’d be there in a half hour and it was actually 57 minutes and when we asked for a free pizza as per their “30 Minutes or It’s Free” offer, the pizza boy laughed and said we shouldn’t believe everything we see on TV. We didn’t have Facebook back then to register our complaint, so there was nothing we could’ve done to vent our frustration. Sure, we could’ve called, but our sister was on the phone and this was before cell phones when you actually had to wait to make a call and by the time she was off we were halfway into watching ‘Hard Target’ with our friends and, what, were we going to pause the butt-kicking Jean-Claude Van Damme was dishing out to call Domino’s and complain? The point is, our sister used to hog the phone back then.

5. Having a founder who supports conservative causes and who tried to block the ObamaCare contraception mandate. Also, those sandwiches they make now are terrible.

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